This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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