eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
