she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
