Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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