The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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