Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
