Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
