you traded sex for a burrito?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
