Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
