girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
