he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
