and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
