My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
