The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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