Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
