I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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