i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
