I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
