Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
