We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Even my vagina gasped.
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
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Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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