but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
