if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My liver just broke up with me...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
