you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize