If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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