He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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