Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
