just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
