it was like his penis was on wheels.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I am one with the molecules
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
