Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
