Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
