She just used a chaser for red wine.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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