I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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