I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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