Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
