Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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