My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
