I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
