I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I smell like Dick and happiness
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
