i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
