I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
