I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She told me I should be a condom model.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
