I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
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Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
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It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.