Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away