i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
