Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
