I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
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Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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