Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
