Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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