oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
