lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
