There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
