I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
