I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
