Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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