I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
