therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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