I love black thongs
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
