Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is Oprah even human
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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