I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
