no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
