Pappa wants mamma naked
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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