I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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