im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Princesses don't give blow jobs
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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