you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I touched a dick in church today
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
